July 30th, 2012 by Theresa

Honorable Mention, as appeared on the Weird, the Wild, and the Wicked! by Siobhan Muir

http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.ca/2012/07/thursthreads-week-32-winners.html

Having your life flash before your eyes? It sucks.

Watching every mistake ever made, every bad decision, and episode of poor judgment play out  filled me with regret.  I knew how it would end  – me overdosing in a shitty motel bathroom.  Alone.

“Stop,” I managed. “Just stop it!”

“Is that really the story you wish?” The voice came from everywhere and nowhere. “Is this how you want to be remembered?”

“No,” I said bitterly. “It’s not like I can go back. I mean if I knew then… You know what? Never mind. Just let me die and get it over with.”

“Would you change? Would you be different if you could do it all again?” The voice held an edge I couldn’t define.

“Different?” I laughed bitterly. “I wouldn’t be different. I’d be better. Hell,  I’d even tell my mother that I love her.”

“And the price you’d pay?”

“Just about anything.” Regret flooded what was left of my soul.

“Let’s say you go back. Do me a few favors and it will all be yours.”

“I won’t kill anyone or commit crimes,” I stated to the nothingness. What did I have to lose? This was all a hallucination anyway – the last active cells in my brain fighting for life.

“Not required.” The voice fell silent.  Darkness surrounded me.  Then light.

“Happy 21^st  birthday!”  My mother shook me awake. I was home and her smile was everything. “I  see you got a new tattoo!”

“I love you Mom.”

Flash Fiction

March 3rd, 2012 by Theresa

It’s no secret that writers are a creatively delicate lot. We suffer from crippling self doubt, depression and sometimes crippling physical attributes that make up our unique view of the world. Nothing brings that world crashing down like someone poking around in our psyches. Let me tell you about the past few weeks.

So I’m in counseling. No biggie for me as a lot of us are. In fact, some seriously famous people are getting help. So Patrick ( not his real name but close enough that I call him this ) asks me what has me frustrated that day. Just that day.  I shrug. I tell him I’ve been staring at my unfinished manuscripts for weeks, missed lunch every day that week, was late for work a few times and forgot I was hanging out with the girls. The girls were not impressed.  The worst part was I forgot my laundry in the washer – for a week. That part really burned me – a whole freaking week.

So Patrick looks at me kind of funny. He narrows his eyes and cocks his head to the side. “Tell me,” he says. “Are you on the go a lot?” Duh. My calender is booked a month in advance. “Got trouble with managing time?” Um yeah, I quit wearing a watch years ago. The panic attacks were not cool.  So Patrick turns around and fiddles with his computer screen.  He asks me a barrage of questions to which I answer yes or no.  He turns back around. “Carrot.”

“What?” An image popped in my head. That image followed a progression of ideas until it came back to that single image.

“Carrot,”  he says again. He’s got this smile on his face. He knows what I’m thinking but too afraid to say. Finally I give up.

“Bugs Bunny.”

Apparently this is the right answer. Patrick’s smile lights up room. “When you think, it is in words and lists? Or pictures?”

“Try 3D movies, complete with surround sound, rumble seats and smell-o-vision.”  The idea has taken me. I”m sitting on the edge of my seat, arms spread as wide as my field of vision.  This too is the right answer.  I still don’t understand the question.

Then Patrick tells me about my “gift.”  It’s the “Gift of Dyslexia.” Shocked, stunned and in denial, I ask if I can give it back. Patrick laughs.

So I identify as having a form of  dyslexia – dyscalculia .

A great writer – a terrible typist.

A great thinker of thoughts that move four times faster than normal. Meaning? I start the laundry and think it’s done – leaving clothes to mold in the washer.

A generous heart that can’t balance a check book.

A music connoisseur  that can dance and sing, but walking in silence is iffy.

I’d be on the fence on the up sides if I could – but I know I’ll just fall off. ( that whole spatial ability thing that I just don’t have)

And yet…it’s rather freeing. I’m never going to be completely organized – or on time. So I can stop beating myself up about it.  I do my best to keep a schedule and make my apologies for lateness ahead of time.   I can indeed work on three things at once.  I find that *sometimes* people ask me to do things, because they know it’ll get done – eventually.

So this gift of mine  – and mind – isn’t new.. but definitely a life changer. I’ll keep you posted on what other gems I find.

Carrot.

January 22nd, 2012 by Theresa

It is no secret that I hate vampires.  There are many reasons for my level of distaste.  The main reason?  Burn out.  I have read – and wrote about vampires for the past 20 years.  I am DONE.  Now that does not mean I do not enjoy a good vampire movie or two providing there are many ways that vampires die.

How to kill a vampire let me count the ways:

1:  For the traditionalist there is the ever-present wooden stake to the heart.  While easy to get through metal detectors and compostable, not so good on the environment.  My advice?  Recycle and Reuse wood.  Hey, is there some kind of service I can start for Green Vampire Hunters?  Regardless, you can take your pick of flashy ways the body disintegrates – as long as the bloodsucker ends up dead.

2: Depending on your type of vampire, there is sun light or UV light.  This is one of my personal favorites.  Nothing starts my day off right like frying a fanged fiend.  However, do not get cocky.  Please be sure to keep extra batteries in the vehicle when you go hunting.  One word of warning, some vampires are smart.  They have learned to use sunblock or sunscreen 5000 SPF.  Here is where our next way of killing vampires comes in handy.

3: On the topic of garlic, it depends on your type of vampire.  Whether half or whole be sure to add lemon juice and holy water to your garlic concoction.  That way should neither the garlic nor the water work, the lemon juice will stop them in their tracks for precious seconds (and if they are wearing sunblock will wash away some of it) – for you to stake them.

4: Silver weapons are farther down the list as they are a relatively new way of killing the undead.  Sure it works for werewolves and some shifters, but only recently and only for some kind of vampires.  To be on the safe side use your sober weapon of choice to blow their heads off then take your handy with a stake and finish the job.  The double tap rule is in effect here.

Five: The trickiest way to kill a vampire is to get his friends to do it for you.  It takes cunning and determination and is doable – especially with the stupid ones.  Once you have them  betraying each other, sit back relax and watch the show –  keeping your stake handy.

Those are my top five ways to smite your average every day vampire.  “But Tee,” you say “what about holy water?”  My response?  What if your vampire was a Buddhist?  Yeah I thought so!

So how many ways would you kill a vampire?

garlic, holy water, silver, stake, vampires, writing

December 31st, 2011 by Theresa

No, it won’t be the end of the world.

It will be a beginning, a reset button if you will. This is the time where we as North Americans make New Year’s Resolutions to be better people, quit smoking, shed unwanted pounds and a whole host of other quirks we don’t like about ourselves.  As many of us know, we last about a month in the new year to give up changing for the better.  I am indeed one of these people. Next year, I’m going to do something different.

My only true resolution for 2012 is to work  S.M.A.R.T.E.R.

In that way of thinking here’s what I endeavor to achieve:

• 1. 12-15 new blog posts next year – one a month and a few extras just in case something cool happens!
• 2.  Three manuscripts to cross the finish line – critiques, revised, submitted. One every four months.  (See the  Million Word March Meter)
• 3. More chatting with you! Be it email, Twitter, Facebook , Tumblr or Google+ weekly.  This will include pictures as I can!
• 4. Connecting with new readers and authors throught the year. Posting on the various forums I’ve joined in the past year at least twice.

ANNNND those are the smartes goals I can make. See you next year!

Theresa

Critique, goals, Million Word March, pressure, WIP, working, writing